Tag Archives: Thor

Thor is Going to be a Lady and that Weird Guy that Fixed Your Phone Once is in a Huff About It

So, Thor is a wuss who can’t handle his hammer (… ladies?). So his hammer, Mjolnir, is doing what any good hammer would do and taking off to find someone who can handle it.

The “someone” in this case happens to be of the fairer sex — that’s right, Thor will soon be a *gasp* lady!

Surely I won't run out of hammer euphemisms by the end of this post.

… I think.

 

Naturally, a bunch of morons got in a huff about the change of gender. See, if there’s anything to get angry about, it would be that Marvel chose to make this announcement on The View, which is… just not a good show, we can all agree on that, right?

Really guys? Well, let’s compare the two.

Thor (Male) Thor (Female)
Flowing Blonde Locks
Eyes in Which You Could Just Lose Yourself
A Propensity for Dress-up
A Funny Way of Talkin’
Outrageous Strength
Father Issues
A Massive Hammer (…Ladies)
Lady Parts (EW!)

 

Hmm. Not much difference, is there?

How about this? Next time a character changes, how about you focus on how the change will affect the story rather than the character’s gender. Then order the comic, read it and if your knickers are still in a twist, launch a nuanced, intelligent argument. Until you can do that, shut the hell up. Your petulant whining is doing nothing for the reputation of comic readers and comics as a whole.

Also, this is far from the first time a woman has been Thor. Remember when Rogue hung out with Mjolnir for a bit? Or, more recently, Thor Girl? Or what about when Odin tricked Thor by changing him into a woman during Alex Ross’ Earth X? This isn’t exactly new, ground-breaking stuff here, fellas.

Ah do delcare, ah’m glad Rogue doesn’t have a forced accent anymore.

Guffaw, guffaw, guffaw - wait, are you just gonna stare in the mirror forever?

Stellar trick, Loki. What dude doesn’t want to be a lady for a little while?

And really, regardless of gender, Thor still pales in comparison to Throg.

Kaboom.

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The Avengers Trailer: A Breakdown

Yup. The (second) official Avengers trailer is out.  Check it.

If that didn’t work, here’s the link: http://youtu.be/zatgnqdIefs

So, the following is a bunch of random conclusions that Longbox of Awesome managed to draw from the trailer.

  • New York City is getting shit-kicked. As per the usual in the Marvel Universe. No wonder Moon Knight moved to Los Angeles.
  • The soldiers are shooting at something up in the sky while Loki does a smug, condescending voice-over. Which clearly means he hired Skrulls to invade New York.
  • The NYPD can’t outrun explosions. Remember, this is the Marvel Universe, where barely a day goes by without at least one skyscraper being crushed by some Spider-nemesis. Swear to Gord, they should just hire the Kenyan national track team to staff the NYPD.
  • Government employees in suits are never phased by some punk-ass helicopter landing 20 feet in front of them. Fact.
  • Nine Inch Nails is always awesomely appropriate. Especially in film trailers. And weddings.
  • This movie features members of The Avengers. This we know because there are several establishing shots while Nick Fury speaks.
  • The team-up of Robert Downey Jr. and Joss Whedon is proof that the world loves you and wants you to be happy. Evidence of this exists in Captain America’s cocky remark and Tony Stark’s brilliant reply.
  • Nick Fury aims his rocket launcher like he means business. And not lame business like paperwork. He doesn’t do that shit.
  • Was Thor attacking Captain America? That’s like Santa Claus attacking the Easter Bunny – neither battle will end in happy children.
  • The “enormous green rage monster” hits the screen in sexy fashion.
  • Hey, wait… Where’s Maria Hill? Black Widow is great and all, but I am certain the world would love to see Robin Scherbatsky kick some ass, am I right?

… That’s it. What did you think of the trailer? You jacked about the movie? Prefer brie over Gouda?  Let Longbox know in the comments!

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