Clint Eastwood may have Changed the World as We Know it

In case you missed it, the Republican National Convention happened during the last half of last week. There were certainly some highlights, which really are lowlights in the grand scheme of things, but some certified whackos took the stage and told some certified lies, some confused people cheered and some bacon grease-slicked slip ‘n’ slides were set up on the streets of Tampa (that may or may not be true – the fact-checker is away for the day).

But the best part is the one that has sparked memes and trended on Twitter, was Clint Eastwood’s bewildering speech, where he accused an empty chair of being in support of the war in Afghanistan (which, to be fair, if you were against it, was American political suicide – also, not his jam), told Invisibama that he wouldn’t tell Romney to “do that” (your guess is as good as anyone’s – cut his hair? Get a tattoo?) and got told to shut up by nobody at all.

Check it out:

Now, it’s not that you should take anything Clint Eastwood says too seriously. Granted, the man has made some wonderful films, but at the end of the day he’s an actor and a director and not a political scientist. His mere presence reeked of a “Hell, why not put The Man With No Name up there to speak?” attitude.

Anyway, since Josey Wales’ speech, #eastwooding has been trending like crazy, even inspiring National Empty Chair Day yesterday.

Obama’s team responded via Twitter with wit and confidence and Obama himself had nothing but praise for Eastwood.

In a little while, the population at large will have forgotten all about Eastwood’s woefully misdirected rant, probably in time for Trouble with the Curve.

But ol’ Clint may have changed the world as we know it. How? Glad you asked…

Journalists’ jobs just got a whole lot easier

No more waiting for someone to actually show up for an interview – just pull up an empty chair and ask it questions. No more does Katie Couric have to try to make Glenn Beck look like the idiot he is – she can just ask an empty chair and get a full confession from him.

And absolutely nobody is off-limits, either. You feel like interviewing the Pope, but you work for the Inuvik Drum? Empty chair. If you want to get super deep, you can interview the chair’s inventor, Jesus.

Eastwood may have marked the death of the exclusive interview, but signalled the proliferation of awesome headlines.

Like this, but with “Including an Exclusive Interview with the Pilot, Elvis Presley!”

Your poker games just got elite, as did your daughter’s tea parties

Just as Barney Stinson plays poker with Maury Povich every Tuesday, you too can now play Five-Card Stud with Barack Obama. And Joe Biden can share tea with Mr. Winkles.

“Get off Mr. Winkles’ lap, Mr. Biden! He doesn’t like that!”

Debates will get a whole lot easier, too

Really, who wants to debate against someone who makes them look like the uneducated, unintelligent buffoon they are? Why not just talk to a chair?

Actually, when it comes down to it, the empty chair thing is a perfect example of how the Republican campaign is running. It really doesn’t matter what Obama says, the other side skews it along with the facts (who needs them anyway?). You might as well have an empty chair, since they clearly aren’t listening anyway.

All kidding aside, this is how things start – with an empty chair. Soon, that leads to puppets. After puppets, we get to the point where the United States’ best actors are hired to pretend like they have opinions and access to facts that can help a country with over 20 million unemployed people making 1 per cent of their salary when really, they are no more informed than anyone else and their opinion should not count any more than your crazy uncle Frederick’s. But that’s a long way off – oh wait…

At least it wasn’t an IKEA chair…

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