The Return of the Walking Dead

The Walking Dead is back. And it’s about time.

Like Bicycle Girl (whose origins you can view here), it felt like we were perpetually crawling, slowly reaching our goal… human flesh Season Two.

Kids: this is why you don't spend nine months on the couch waiting for a television show to return. And smoke.

But it’s back, baby! And with a gory 90-minute season opener to boot!

Just in case you thought that they were going to go easy on the gore this season, the show tore that fear from your stomach like a length of intestine and shuffled down the interstate with it hanging out of its mouth. First, there was T-Dog slicing his arm on a car – nothing major. Almost immediately after that, ultra-badass neo-Nazi Daryl Dixon jabbed a crossbow bolt up the base of an unsuspecting roamer. Then, Andrea took a screwdriver to an undead eyeball a few times.

Sick, right?

That wasn’t even the goriest part. About halfway through the episode, Daryl and Rick decided to perform an impromptu autopsy on a Jesus doppelganger roamer. You know, to see if it had snacked on Sophie. This completely unnecessary, gut-splattered scene was a message to this season’s viewers: you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.

Viewers expecting a "Where's my watch?" type tribute to City Slickers were disappointed.

We also learned that a large group of undead, brainless wanderers will be referred to as a “herd.”
Other acceptable terms:

  • Big-ass – OH NO! NOOOO!
  • Nickelback fans
  • The Republican National Congress
  • Wal-Mart shoppers

Unfortunately, the one thing that this episode left us wanting was more character development. With such a large cast, it’s difficult to round out some of the characters, which drives those of us who read the comics nuts. Especially since the most static characters in the television series – Carl and Glenn – are two of the most awesome in the comics.

But hey, there’s still a whole season to go through.

Oh, and if you were watching it, you weren’t alone. Over seven million people watched the premiere, breaking the all-time basic cable record.

Hell yeah.

"That guy changed the channel then lost the remote in the couch! Get him and tear his throat out!"

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