The newest Jughead Double Digest (#170, for the collectors) is on the shelves at your local Safeway, and if the general populace actually paid attention to Jughead Double Digests (to be fair, they are sandwiched between the 99 cent book of horoscopes and Best Beet Recipes2011), it would be the most controversial issue Archie Comics has ever put out. You only need to look at the cover to wonder what the hell the people at Archie Comics were thinking. Check it out:
Hilarious, right? Wrong.
Heading off the controversy, Longbox of Awesome decided to sit down with Riverdale’s most famous glutton to discuss this cover.
LB0A: What the hell, Jughead? That is someone’s home. Several someones’ homes, actually, as it looks like the main door to an apartment or a townhouse complex. There are innocent Riverdale residents’ lives going up in smoke and all you can do is grab a fucking turkey and crack a lame fucking pun? What the hell is wrong with you? Open your eyes, goddammit, and tell us what you have to say for yourself!
LBoA: Alright, fine. Maybe we’ll change the subject. What about the Riverdale Fire Department? How were you even hired? First off, you’re a teenager! Despite that, what experience do you have? Also, you’re a scrawny wiener with an insatiable appetite. Clearly, you do not have people’s best interests at hand. What really concerns us is that fire is clearly too much for one firefighter to handle, and yet the sent you in – a dildo-nosed teenager with no breathing apparatus and an improperly fastened hat. There had better be a serious investigation into this incident. Anything you have to say for yourself or the department?
LBoA: Clearly, we are not getting anywhere with you. You have some serious issues – perhaps you are even a straight-ahead sociopath. How many people died or lost their homes because of your gross negligence? Again: what the hell is wrong with you? We’re outta here, this is outrageous. Any parting words?
LBoA: Holy crap. Okay. Alright. We’re leaving. Just put down the axe, Jughead.