X-Men First Class: A Completely Partial Review

Finally, Longbox of Awesome can choose a winner in the first round of Summer Movie Civil War.  And it is…

Drum roll please…

*45 minutes later…

Yeah, thanks Neil…  Unnecessary, but awesome nonetheless.  Thanks to that, this post just broke the blog’s budget for the year.  Shoot.

Anyway,  the winner between Thor and X-Men: First Class is X-Men: First Class.  Really, it’d be hard to believe anyone is surprised by this.

Shut up, butt Munch. Don't even try to act surprised.

What makes the newest X-Men movie great is that it manages to feel brand new and exciting while still being familiar, like an old girlfriend who lost a ton of weight.  Like, a Juggernaut’s worth.  Everyone’s favourite characters show up in younger form:  Charles Xavier, Erik Lensherr, Hank McCoy, Raven Darkholme, and… well, I won’t ruin the surprise, but the best line in the movie belongs to someone familiar.

First Class, unlike Thor, feels like a bit more than the Norse Party Hour.  Perhaps it’s the depth of the main characters, ones who were so masterfully fleshed out by Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellan.  Perhaps it’s the movie’s setting in real world events that makes it feel like it was ripped out of a textbook from an alternate history.  Perhaps, and this is most likely, everybody just hates Nazis (much like Munich, First Class features a Jewish dude kicking ass).

And no, it wasn't Jeffrey Ross kicking ass with comedy. Someone more badass. No, not Howard St- you know what? To Hell with it.

The point is, the whole movie feels like it has some real resonance with the viewers.  The personal struggles to fit in, get vengeance or lift a submarine out of the water are all something the average viewer can relate to.  It’s a bit tougher to relate to a frickin’ god who temporarily falls on hard times.

As far as everything else goes, the acting is superb (especially on the part of the two main fellas), the special effects are wicked and the plot works well (except one of the many deaths – you’ll know which one).

The best part is that there is a ton of material that they can bring into the next forty movies they plan on making.  The X-Men have a long and storied history, one that could be accurately termed epic.  Unlike that time you bet your ex-girlfriend that she couldn’t eat five Big Macs and a large milkshake.  Or that one time you high-fived your bro and it sounded really sweet.

Even this isn't epic. Fucking awesome, yes. A miracle of pet training, you bet. Epic - nope. Unless they held this pose for several weeks and then had a multi-page poem written about them.

So yeah, go watch X-Men: First Class.  Just don’t stick around after the credits, there’s nothing.  As a legendary bearded man said, “We’ve been spoiled. Now we just expect stuff after the credits.”


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